


Aftershave

by Psycho_Chiquita



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Grooming problems, Megamind is a drama queen, Megs is prone to using his de-gun when pissy, Minion and his ape suit doing ape things, Rating for implied sexual content, Roxanne gets...creative. for lack of safer words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 05:56:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16613201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psycho_Chiquita/pseuds/Psycho_Chiquita
Summary: Disaster strikes for Megamind when his routine grooming goes wrong, having him needing to settle for something new and unexpected. But he's not the only one who has to deal with the change.





	Aftershave

**Author's Note:**

> **This happens every time my husband shaves.  
> **  
>  Sort of.

"MINION!" is all Roxanne hears coming in with a shriek from the master bath, where Megamind had just walked in a few minutes prior to prepare for his night shift.

She rushes in behind Minion, where he halts just outside the bath, his over sized simian frame blocking the entirety of the entrance.

Bits of blue skin and black silk are seen flashing through the small gaps that Minion leaves between his body and the door frame, however she can't see anything particularly wrong with Megamind. At first.

"This. THIS!" he says as he thrusts out one of his hands towards Minion, and although he takes a step back she still can't see around his large frame to make out what the small black piece of plastic is that Megamind is holding in his open palm. "Minion, EXPLAIN!"

"Sir, I can explain-"

"That's what I just said!"

"-It, I just, I had knocked it over when looking through the medicine cabinet and the guard fell off! I, looked through the others that fell and, since I always hear you say "A" so, I-I thought..,"

"So instead of just leaving it off YOU PUT ON WHICH EVER ONE YOU ASSUMED?! Minion, do you know what happens when you ASSUME?"

Minion mumbles something incomprehensible along the lines of "-you and me," and Roxanne tries to butt her way under his arm to get a better look of what's going on between them. Minion unintentionally makes it easier when he reels back a couple of steps, bringing his hands together to fumble with his robotic fingers.

Through the gap that she squeezes through, she stands straight up and comes face to face with Megamind. Who is missing half of his chin strip hair.

She makes a short honk sound as she stifles back a laugh and turns to Minion who is looking away with guilt on his face, Megamind looking back and forth between their faces and his in the mirror with mortification. Both Roxanne and Minion try to look anywhere but his face as he shifts his weight from one foot to the other, gripping his cheeks with wide eyes.

"How? WHY?! I can't go out in public like this! I CAN'T!" he cries out, attempting to hurl a wet hand towel across the bathroom with a weak wrist only to have it fall within a few feet in front of him.

"Honey, it's not that, b-bad-" she spits out between giggles. Her lips twist as she tries her hardest to fight back a smile. She ends up having to slap a hand across her mouth to cover it, although her cheeks still remain raised. Megamind glares towards Roxanne with a frown as she breaks out in laughter, tears running down her cheeks.

"Oh god I, I can't..," she gasps, holding her arms across her stomach, folding over at her waist until she crouches down to a squat, one shoulder leaning into the door frame. Minion apparently had run for cover as Megamind dashes past her out of the bathroom, yelling at the top of his lungs "I. WILL. KILL. YOU."

Roxanne tries to compose herself, standing back up and rubbing her hands across her face in an attempt to work out the sting her cheeks have from laughing too hard, her jaw aching from its awkward angle.

She strolls through the hallway, trying to pinpoint the location of where the sounds of things being thrown and breaking are coming from. Walking into the main expanse of the lair, she finds Megamind standing in the middle of the work room throwing anything within reach towards the ceiling. Looking up she can see Minion had climbed to the support beams and is hanging upside down by his second pair of hands, effortlessly dodging the items being thrown because they're not reaching his height, arms crossed in distaste, cool as a cucumber.

"Sir, I think you're over reacting-"

"And you're under reacting! Look at this! LOOK AT IT! My devilishly handsome looks, ruined!" Megamind yells at the fish head floating right side up in his upside down suit, one finger pointing to his chin while the other hand flings a wrench up towards the gorilla armor, drawing a couple of brainbots out to snatch it out of the air before it can reach the ichthyoid.

Megamind blindly reaches for something else to throw and unknowingly grabs a hold of Roxanne's hand instead, where she had placed it to draw his attention. He looks down to her hand and then up to her eyes, a scowl still on his face that softens immediately at her unimpressed expression that still has a smile teasing at the corners of her lips.

She turns him around with her hand still entwined with his, and brings the other up to hold his shoulder.

"It's not  _that_  bad-" she tells him, the smirk growing on her face. "Okay, maybe it's a little bad-"

"A little?" he cries out. Pointing to his chin again, he exclaims, "Roxanne, do you see this? I look ridiculous. You have no idea how long it took me in the first place to figure out the perfect look for my perfect face,  _years_  of growing and sculpting and re-trimming and-"

"And you can grow it out again. It's not the end of the world, Megamind." she reassures him, the smile she gives not of amusement but of promise.

"Grow.., you mean I have to..," he asks with confusion.

"Sweetie, you have no choice. You're gonna have to shave it all off."

The realization seems to hit him like a punch from Metro Man himself. Eyes going wide, he loudly exclaims "NO!" as he lets go of her hand and plugs both ears with his fingers. He starts humming loudly while walking back into the bedroom, Roxanne staying in place underneath a dangling Minion.

"It's not like you can sharp-"

"Lalalah I can't hear you!"

"-sharpie the rest of it on-"

"Laaaa! Ah-ah, noooo..

"-Megamind I'm just saying-"

"LAH! LAH!"

"MEGAMIND," she says firmly when he stops abruptly inside the door-frame. He turns around quickly with a pout, one hand holding the door knob when he shuts it fast, giving the illusion of slamming it without the sound. She could barely make out the gentle  _click_  of the latch bolt going into the doorjamb.

She loudly exhales and looks up to Minion still hanging from the support beam with a pointed look, her arms re-folded firmly across her chest. "Now what?" is all she states.

"It wasn't  _that_  bad," Minion says as he subconsciously hangs the robot arms to his sides for a shrug, still hanging from the beam.

"Well, I don't think he's getting out anytime soon, I'd say it's safe to come down."

"Oh no. I've experienced this enough times to know that when Sir gets angry, it's best to just stay out of the way for a few hours, maybe a day or so to let him work it out of his system."

Roxanne noises a small "hmph" and lets her eyes glaze out with pinched eyebrows, giving a few sniffs in the air while looking around aimlessly. "Do I smell something burni-"

"MY BISCUITS!" yells Minion, finally letting go of the beam to fall down the full height of the workshop with an ungraceful clatter and scrambling to right himself up before running as fast as the suit can allow him into the kitchen.

"And I also know  _you_  too well," she murmurs to herself, following Minion into the kitchen to aid with their meal for a few minutes before attempting to coax Megamind out from the room.

* * *

"Blue?" Roxanne calls through the door, giving a gentle knock with her index knuckle.

Hearing no response but silence, she calls out "Honey? Are you okay?" while trying the knob. It gives, opening the door to an empty bedroom with no Megamind in sight. She stands in the door way with her eyes going over everything before settling on the closed bathroom door.

Strolling over, she gives the same knock-call, pulling back when she hears something thin and plastic-like clattering onto the counter, followed by a hushed curse. "Megs?" she questions, squinting her eyes to the wood of the door with a small unconscious wish to be able to see through it.

"Ah, I-I'm fine! Just-" sounds of scrambling and the water running in the sink, the medicine cabinet being opened and closed quickly, "- give me a moment, I'll be out in a second!"

Suspicion creeps in her as she tries for the door knob again. This time, he has it locked, beckoning her to knock her finger over it and call out to him, "Love, open the door."

Silence. "N-no?" he calls out with a wavering voice, as if unsure of his choice of response.

"Please?"

Another few seconds of silence pass by until she can hear the lock being disengaged from the other side, and the gentle but slow turning of the knob before it starts to open in the same pace. Her eyes follow the hand holding the door up to his face and go wide, a familiar grin threatening to take hold of her face again. She raises one hand up to her mouth and bites down on a finger, speaking around the digit "Oh, my.." with laughter making her voice shake.

In a feeble attempt to fix the chin strip, he had indeed looked for a permanent marker and filled in the gap of missing hair. It seems to her that she knocked in the middle of his "fixing", startling him to shake his hand in the process; there's a small line smudged across his chin to halfway underneath his right cheek. A wet towel with dark purplish-black stains on the counter serves as proof of him trying to wipe it off before she could see.

"I just, I was trying to fix it and-oh I guess I'm going to have to actually shave it all off aren't I?" he sighs through pursed lips, wincing in mock disgust and swatting with both hands when she licks her thumb and attempts to wipe off the smudge from his chin.

His grin slowly subsides, eyes lowering to the floor then looking up to the counter towards the shaving supplies resting there, hesitant to reach for it knowing what has to happen.

"Hey," she says softly, holding both sides of his cheeks to re-direct his face towards her, "it doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, because it'll still be you". He raises a skeptical eyebrow, and she adds "My hero, that's who." with a kiss on his nose.

"Although, it's gonna be pretty hard getting used to it, so you should probably ignore any comments I give for the next couple of days." she says facetiously.

He takes a deep breath and after she lets go, turns back to the razor on the counter, reaching and failing to grasp it completely. "I.., okay, I can do this, it's just three days. Three, very long, hairless days." he says with a dismal voice, heavy with exaggeration.

"Here, let me help you with that," she smiles, reaching over the counter for the wet towel and can of shaving cream.

* * *

"How do I look?" he asks, slapping the aftershave onto his face with a wince; it  _has_  been years since he's had that spot bare.

"Baby faced," she responds, and he ignores her just as she suggested, exclaiming with a determined look as he marches out of the bathroom towards the lab. "Great, then Minion and I shall head out at once!"

"But first you need to eat something," she calls out to his back, Megamind almost overlapping her voice and changing directions on one foot "But first I need to eat something, a hero cannot be expected to do his rounds on an empty stomach!" causing her to cross her eyes with a chuckle.

* * *

As soon as the car is completely pulled into the lab, Minion rushes out of the vehicle and makes a bee line towards his room, gently closing the door behind him. Roxanne turns her attention away from the T.V. and watches from the sofa in the living area, Megamind strolling in from the lab doorway behind her and running a hand through her hair.

She sighs complacently, rolling her head towards his fingers after turning off the screen. "Everything go okay during the rounds?"

He grunts as a reply, walking around the sofa to lay across it. Roxanne stretches herself horizontally as well, draping over him while beginning to drag her hand across his chest in a methodical manner.

"Everything was going fine since I didn't have to actually face anyone, just drove around in the car and made some calls. Had Minion go out to do some talking every once in a while. Until commissioner Andersson called me in to make a visit to the station."

Stopping her finger over one of his pecs, she looks up to him, raising an eyebrow with question. Without so much as a twitch on his face, Megamind explains, "Dehydrated Emerson."

"Again?" she asks, propping herself on one elbow.

"Hey, it's not my fault he loves to crack jokes at my expense, just like it's not my fault I ended up barefaced to begin with," he shrugs, bringing his arms up to fold across his chest, tucking his hands inside his armpits.

"I already threw out the other sizes, now it's just the one so it doesn't happen again," she reassures him.

He grabs her fingers and lifts them towards his mouth, giving them a feather-light kiss before placing them back on his chest. "You always look out for me."

With a smile, she asks "You didn't get in trouble with the commissioner over it?"

"Nah, he had enough of him for the day, claimed he hid someone's vest to teach them a lesson on checking their equipment, only to have them stuck in the patrol car without the protection during a call. Said me dehydrating him was sort of a time out, even encouraged me to show it around the department."

She grins and continues dragging her finger, only to stop again with a pensive look. "After showing everyone the cube, you did remember to hand it over to someone for re-hydration, right?"

His eyes widen, causing her to groan and roll over into the cushions with an eye roll.

"Minion!" he snaps. Silence answers him, and Roxanne says "He still thinks he's in trouble, genius."

"Minion, you are not in trouble and I need your help!" he calls out again. After a few seconds the gentle pound of his footsteps make their way towards the sofa, Minion creeping his tank-head over the arm of the couch, fingertips bouncing off each other.

"Y-yes Sir?"

"Take the car and make a quick trip to the station to return the cubed Emerson back to his office, it must've slipped my mind while we were there since we had so much.., hero business to do-" Roxanne replies with an disbelieving "mm-hmm" and he shoots her a quick glare with a pout, continuing to say, "-I must've left him in the cup holder after we got back inside the car."

"On it, Sir!" is called out behind them before he can finish his sentence, the sounds of the heavy footsteps thudding on the floor making their way away from the living room. Shortly after the invisible car is started in the lab, its engine is soon heard fading away as Minion pulls out into the street.

A few more moments of silence stretch between them before she says "It's starting to get pretty late, we should probably get to bed," while restraining a yawn, patting his chest as she sits herself up on the sofa.

She looks towards him but as soon as he brings his eyes up she looks away, a pinched smile teasing her lips.

"You still can't look at me, can you," he asks rhetorically, eyelids drooped on his expressionless face. She shakes her head while biting her lower lip, giving him a quick peck on the cheek and hopping over his body, stretching herself off of the sofa while he sits himself upright.

"I'm sorry, it's just.., I prefer you with hair on your face, regardless of how little it is. I just now realized that, since I've never seen you without it before, and getting used to it is a lot harder than I imagined," she laughs, taking a few steps away from the sofa and only stopping to look over her shoulder when Megamind speaks up.

"But if you can't look at me, then we can't, you know.." He trails off, his eyes wandering down to his hands clasped between his knees, his whole body swaying wistfully.

"You seriously can't think of a way to do it without me facing you?" she asks, a sly smile on her lips as she turns to sashay her way towards their shared bedroom.

A look of realization creeps on his face. "Oh.  _Ohhh._ "

_This will be interesting._

**Author's Note:**

> **Alright!**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **My terrible cough and wheezing is gone, so I hit the ground running (but then twisted an ankle along the way so I was brought down a few notches -_-*)**  
>  **Tis done. Random little thought I had while running away from my husbands shaved face. Again. He works on the line as a sushi chef, so he has to shave every few days or so to maintain an "image" (that's his excuse, but I think he does it to annoy me, he knows how much I hate baby face, but that's just me).**
> 
> **I might back off the stories for a little, I need to hop on this Rosetta Stone he got me months ago, I'm on ultimate procrastination time right now on picking up a few sentences in Japanese before we leave again. Last time we made it through okay on just knowing "please, thank you, excuse me, how much? and do you take credit cards?" which apparently is just enough to make it in another country but I don't want to use that excuse to inhibit me from learning another language (so far I'm on Spanish, English being my second learned, French and Vietnamese in bits and pieces from our high Viet population here.)**
> 
> **The idea from the sharpied on hair comes from an episode of a teen show back in '05 called "Drake and Josh" (S3E6) where "Josh's" girlfriend wont kiss him unless he gets rid of his terrible mustache, which he tries so hard to keep on even after someone shaves half of it in his sleep, painting the other half on with a sharpie. A combination of that an real life sculpted this one for me.**
> 
> **Reviews! I love reviews, love'em! You loves keep me happy and my world go round, so I don't want to get myself worked up or you over excited but I have a newfound calling and I am working on chapter add-ons at the moment, hoping I can have something else up before two weeks (or let's be more realistic and say the end of the month...)**
> 
> **This one was an exception because it came out of nowhere and was fairly easy for me to type out. Currently smacking my husbands face away as we speak.**
> 
> **And my spelling is getting better! I have no writing program to work with, not even word, so I have to make sure everything is grammatically correct before uploading so I don't have to go back and forth with the editing software on FF.**
> 
> **Well, I'm off to install the RS and learn some Kantakana/Hiragana (or at least Romaji for that matter).**
> 
> **Lots o' Love outpouring from me to you,**
> 
> **P.C.**


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